To those with "splinters in the windmill of their mind"

I heard a few more stories lately that added to my intention of writing an ode to those as bright as mud.

The other day we had a patient who had a massive heart attack at home and was experiencing some mental delays afterwards - but since making it to recovery at all was a miracle that was somewhat of a small price to pay. He was close to leaving the ICU and the family came for a visit to ask how he was. He replied "I feel retarded". Their answer? "Are You? Are You Mentally Retarded?" I was left standing their thinking "who does that?" and made a quick exit. The icing on their story cake? When he was there at home dying inside the house, his wife was on the porch downing a beer when the paramedics arrived. What a sweet caring woman.

Which reminded me of another frequent flyer (more so for EMT's and ER) who was brought in with either extremly high or low glucose - I can't remember which. She was unconcious in the living room and the EMT's go in find her there, and the significant other in the kitchen making dinner for himself who said "I did a few chest compressions" and continued stirring. Another caring person. She's dialysis dependent and calls 911 complaining of chest pain on dialysis days because then they have to take her to the ER, and when they clear her, they arrange for transport to dialysis. That way she doesn't need a bus pass and he doesn't have to drive her. The icing to their story? They can both walk just fine but have one of those hover rounds just because. He was riding it around the hospital and the grounds when he got bored of sitting in the room. It was even his transport to the hospital. It took a few days, but he eventually got there.

Then there's 30 year diabetics who don't seem to know that insulin should be given in regard to meals. People bleeding heavily at home for hours and can't stop it and call their doctor to ask what to do rather than 911 or having the family member standing there take them to the ER. The patient who knows they are having a heart attack and has nearly passed out and calls their doctor and wants to see the doctor in the office rather than go to the ER - they were very insistent it be just an office visit because they really wanted that doctor.

Hats off to those who don't know birth control is for the GIRL to take - wow. And for those who call into music stores asking for left handed drum sticks. (ask Uncle Mark if he's had that one yet)

And a big thankyou to those who get the warning tags on blowdriers, curling irons, and fruit roll ups. What would we do without you?