I believe the thing that makes single life more awkward than any other factor - is married people. Mainly because it's the married ones that are almost guaranteed to follow the same pattern of awkward conversation. If you think the following is not really a widespread problem, I'll refer you to some of my single friends, who can verify that this is 100%, non-fabricated, non-exaggerated fact.
This conversation can happen anywhere. At church, at the store, at work (in my case 73% of patients will follow this like a script (the 73% is the only thing that is made up in this entire post, but I'm pretty sure it's a fairly accurate statistic nonetheless). You are most likely to hear it at weddings. It goes something, almost precisely, like this :
Q: So are you married?
A: No, I'm not.
(if they want to be extra awkward they'll add this next line - not as likely to be said if the conversation takes place at church)
Q: Do you have any kids?
A: No
Q: Are you dating anyone.
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: oh, ... (honestly, what do people expect you to answer to that?)
(note: some of those really irritating people like to ask "why not?" after question 1)
here they typically cease questions and will either a) try to set you up with some stranger or
b) give you dating advice
My question is, when did this become okay??!!! Since when is it okay to ask a perfect stranger if they're married and follow it up with "why the heck not? What's wrong with you?" I realize this is not what they actually say, but it is certainly the meaning. I didn't think this was a widespread problem, but a trip to a wedding recently proved me wrong. Two friends stated the same pattern to questions from complete strangers. Then at the wedding someone actually did it to them.
Now, I can see you asking a new acquaintance if they are married. I can even find it appropriate asking "do you have kids" AFTER you have established they are married, or if in the response they volunteer that they are divorced or separated. I find it very bad taste to ask if someone has kids after discovering they are single, however. But the extreme awkwardness to this line of questioning comes in the inevitable, "why not?". What do they really expect to hear? . . ."well, I was dating someone, but he had commitment issues". . . "My psychiatrist tells me I need to learn to love myself before I try to enter a relationship with others". . . "I've decided married men are more satisfying so I no longer feel the need to develop a meaningful relationship of my own" REALLY - how did that become okay to ask?
We have yet to discover an effective way to stop this line of questioning once begun. It's been proven that pointing out it's awkwardness is rather fruitless. I believe if people will do this, they are oblivious to any subtle means of pointing out how uncomfortable it is. Something shocking and rude would probably be the only thing useful, but then you're probably stuck with people saying "I know why they're not married yet, they are so rude and ungrateful" Anyone care to take bets on that? ...that's okay, I don't gamble anyway.
So everyone, this is my way of getting the word out. Don't do this. We hate it. Don't ask WHY we're not married, or dating. Believe me, we're working on it. And you don't have to try to set us up with perfect strangers. Really.
5 comments:
These conversations are all too familiar! It still blows my mind that somehow, despite the earth shattering inappropriate comments in return, people still ask if they can set you up. What is it that they're not getting! Seriously.
I haven't had as many of those script conversations. I usually get the "Are you married) or dating)?" When I say "no", they say, "Smart girl!" If I do get the
"why not?" question, I just say "boys are dumb." They will either agree, or quit bothering me. I think I got the better script.
How'd you get so lucky sis?
The only time "why not" has been acceptable is when it's followed by "pretty thing like you? I don't believe it." Of course, this is again from those old men. And they don't follow it up with advice or trying to set you up. One even went on about how lazy young men are these days.
I guess the moral is, flatter me, and I'll forgive your previous inappropriateness.
Yep, flattery will work, you can forgive those ones. Bro. Howard agrees that boys are being lazy and impractical these days. He is dissapointed in them too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAENA!!!! (this is from the whole family, but no one else has google or anything, so they could not leave a comment).
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